Train Thoughts

I'm riding on the Amtrak back to Chicago, and it's one of the last couple rides I'll be taking in what has been a very long year of Amtrak trips. Some people think I'm crazy for leaving almost every other Friday. While most people are getting ready to meet their boyfriends for dinner, or meeting their friends for cocktails, I'm boarding a train. Amtrak has all the amenities of home, though - outlets for computer and phone chargers, a cafe car for dining, and a bathroom for, well, you know. So, I download a movie off of iTunes, tuck a book in my purse, and pack a pillow in my suitcase. Everything I need, all within a couple feet of me. I like to think of it as a quiet night in.

As most of my blog followers (the few of you that there are!) know, I was offered a job in Saint Louis. I began looking a month or two ago, mainly on Craigslist, and mainly to appease Jon. I was my not-so-secret hope that I wouldn't get hired, because I really sort of enjoy my job in Chicago. While nannying is also not very glamorous, it is probably one of the most rewarding jobs I can imagine. However, the job I was offered was not one that I applied for off of Craigslist (see - my plan would have worked brilliantly!). However, I do think that this job is a blessing in disguise. If I were to love anything corporate, I think it would be this company. And, for the sake of my relationship - which has gone through quite a bit in the last year - I think it's time.

But, here's the thing.

It's scary.

I'm giving up everything for a boy.

Is that not the stuff we are told as little girls never to do? We are raised as the Y-generation -- to be strong and independent. Save dependency issues for our grandparents generation. Make your own money, make your own life.

Yet here I am doing just the opposite.

I don't want these feelings of vulnerability to be confused with doubt. It's just that this experience is making me grow up quickly and really account for my actions, which is a heavy thing. An adult thing. For those who have followed this blog from the beginning, you know where I was at in my life almost exactly a year ago. I have to accept or decline this position by Thursday, and when I do, my start date will be exactly one year after the start date of my first post-college position. The things that can happen in a year -- I'm overwhelmed.